When a loved one passes away, the funeral offers a final chance to pay your respects. It offers family and friends the opportunity to reminisce and celebrate the person who has died. Close friends and family travel from far and wide to attend the funeral, which can take place at a burial ground, a church or a crematorium. When you are invited to a funeral, there are several things you need to do before the day arrives. Firstly, you must respond to the family member or friend to inform them whether you will be attending. That way, they can arrange the seating accordingly at the service.
You also need to work out exactly how to get to the venue and look into where it is. You don’t want to be late for a funeral; it’s always appropriate to arrive early. As funerals don’t tend to be a common event, you might not have had to attend one for some time. Therefore, you might not know exactly what to bring with you when you attend the funeral. The last thing you would want to do is offend the grieving family. You also don’t want to make an error by bringing something which is not appropriate. Therefore, here is our what to bring to a funeral guide.
What Should You Bring to a Funeral?
When you do attend a funeral, you need to decide what to bring with you. The first thing that affects this is how well you know the deceased. If you are a close family member or friend, it’s likely the gift might be more personal. But if you are an acquaintance or work colleague, you can go for something more traditional.
A Family Photo
If there is a viewing before the funeral begins, you might be able to leave a photo beside the coffin or on a memory table. You also will find people bringing a photo they place on a table at the wake. That way, friends and family gather to look through the lovely memories of their loved one who has passed away.
If you don’t have a photo, you could bring a different keepsake which has special meaning to the relationship you had with the person who has died. For instance, an ornament or a trinket that they gave to you, or you got while with them. Of course, it’s best to check with the family if they are going to be doing this before you take something along. But if they are, a family photo tends to be a good choice and will bring back special memories for the family and friends attending.
A Donation
A lot of families now decide to go down the route of asking for charity donations instead of other presents for their loved one. It might be a charity close to the deceased’s heart, or perhaps who helped them in their last days. The family decide on which charity they would like to get donations for and pass on this news to those attending the funeral. That way, you know to bring money in an envelope to go into the donation box. It’s a respectful way to pay your respects to the family, and you know it’s for a good cause too. Even if you can only afford a small amount, any kind of donation will help the charity and is a lovely gesture to the person who has passed.
A Plate of Food
In some religions, it’s traditional to bring a plate of food to the funeral as a sign of respect. But whether the funeral is religious or not, a plate of food is a gesture to the family and is something they can give out at the wake after the event. With lots of people to feed who are attending the funeral, they will be grateful to have more food for everyone. You could also make a dish of food they could take home with them after the funeral. While they are grieving, it’s unlikely they are cooking and eating properly. Therefore, making them a good dish of food is a kind gesture to the family of the loved one.
What Should You Send if You Can’t Attend?
There are many reasons in this day and age why people might not be able to attend a funeral. From COVID to childminders, sometimes it isn’t possible to make the day. If you can’t make the funeral, here are some ideas of what you can send to the family.
A Sympathy Card
Whether you are a close family member or more of an acquaintance of the deceased, it is appropriate to send a sympathy card to the family if you can’t attend the funeral. It’s a polite, respectful way to pass on your condolences. Some people decide to send one of these in those initial first days after a loved one has passed away. After all, this can show people are thinking of them during a difficult time. Also, if you live far away, you can send a sympathy card as a gesture. You can explain in the card you can’t make the funeral but want to pass on your best wishes to the family.
They can put this on display at home and is something they can keep in a memory box after the funeral. A sympathy card allows you the opportunity to write a few words about the deceased. With a sympathy card, you could share a memory about the deceased or perhaps a special story that will make the family member smile. However, you can also just write a small note to pay your respects if you didn’t know the person that well. Some people put in a gift card to the family such as for a meal or a day out to make them smile in their time of sorrow.
Flowers
If you can’t make the funeral, it’s a good idea to send flowers to the family as a sign of respect. It shows that you are still thinking of the family at this challenging time and on the card, you can explain you can’t come but you still wish to pay your respects to the person who passed. It is best to send the flowers to the loved one’s closest family member. Whether this might be their partner, child or sibling, they will appreciate the gesture and will help to ease the news that you can’t make their loved one’s funeral.
FAQ’s
Is it Inappropriate to Take a Bottle of Wine to a Funeral as a Gift?
While it might not be classed as inappropriate, it is not the best gift idea to give the loved one a bottle of wine. They would likely prefer a more meaningful gift, such as a photo album of their loved one. Also, certain religions don’t allow alcohol so in this case, it definitely wouldn’t be appropriate. One situation where a bottle of wine would be appropriate is if you take it to the wake to give to the family members. They could give it to the guests during the wake.
What Flowers do You Take for a Funeral?
Flowers are a wonderful gift to take for the family at the funeral. It’s a thoughtful, kind gesture to show that you are thinking of them during this hard time. If you are looking at flowers, here is the funeral flower etiquette.
Send to the funeral director
Whichever flowers you end up getting for the family, it’s a good idea to go through the funeral director. They can pass on the flowers to the family after the event and will also give you any advice on what the family have requested. It’s always important to check if the family are okay with flowers as well which is why it’s a good idea to talk to the funeral director too.
Opt for safe, traditional choices
If you are going to get the family flowers, do go for traditional, elegant choices when it comes to the bouquet. You want to take a bouquet of lilies, roses, orchids and carnations. Stick to traditional, plain colors to ensure it’s a beautiful yet somber bouquet to pay your respects to the deceased’s loved ones.
Do remember to put a special message
If you want the flowers to be addressed to the person who died specifically, you can write a message on them to say how much you will miss them. You might even want to place the flowers in a special area at the funeral or even at the burial ground if allowed. If you want to send the family flowers, you can do this with sympathy flowers and add a message to pass on your condolences.
